Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Cancer #19 - Radiation and Tears

Ok, I admit it...I cried. But just a little.  

I went for my "mapping" where they put you on this cold, steel table and take lots of X-rays to figure out where your heart and lungs are so they don't zap any unnecessary and essential organs while they are busy zapping away the nasty and evil cancer cells that may be lingering.

So, one of the techs came out to meet me and he was joking and nice and having me sign paperwork that I understood, this that and the other...and then he goes, ok, we'll call you back in a sec...and he left me back in the waiting room.  

The next thing I knew, I was being led back to a dark room, where I was told to put on a hospital gown and they'd be back.  I did and they did...then they asked me to lay down on the table and I did...and THEN, 800 people came in and they removed my gown and started talking over me and marking on me with markers (ok, so there weren't 800 people there, probably about 7, but half were men and ALL were strangers and I just felt exposed and violated and I had one of those, "this isn't fair moments" and then the tears came...not hiccuping, sobbing tears, just silent tears rolling down my cheeks and onto the cold steel bed. 

The Dr. noticed my tears and screamed at everyone to get out.  The tech that I met earlier brought me tissue and gave me a pep talk about how brave I was and how they were almost done.  He and the Dr. finished by themselves and then they had me get dressed.  The tech told me about his mom who had cancer and didn't make it through chemo and how I was doing great and had just a bit more to go...

I felt like an idiot for crying, but thankful that it was over.  I started radiation the next day and felt like a pro.  No more tears from me.  

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