December 20, 2011
The next few days past the positive diagnosis were filled with logistics of travel, and as we were coming up to the Christmas holiday, the girls were jam packed with activities, ballet rehearsals for the big Polar Express event on the base, and Johann and I trying to get all our Christmas shopping done for them since we were to be leaving in the next few days.
Everything was arranged and approved and we were set to leave for Germany on Sunday the 19th. Then we got word that Ibiria Airlines (the American Airlines Spanish counterpart) would be starting a strike that day, so we had to push our travel up to Saturday. I LOVE that the Spanish advertise their anticipated strikes so people can plan...so thoughtful. :-)
Friday night the girls performed BEAUTIFULLY. These two little girls are such a blessing to Johann and I and they bring us so much joy and pride. Always, but especially during this holiday season we want to spoil them and love them; and it was brought to my mind, Matthew 7:11 - "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him (NIV).
We know how much we love these girls and we can only imagine how dearly and passionately the love of God is for us but when I say He has poured our his love and blessings on us everyday throughout this journey, it is no exaggeration.
I began calling to inform our family of the diagnosis and started with a few close friends and each call was emotional, exhausting and left me with a terrible headache afterward. So Johann and I discussed going public with it on facebook. To let our friends know what was going on in our family and ask for prayer. I was a little hesitant about it because I didn't want to be "the girl with cancer"...but then I realized, I AM the girl with cancer. I may as well let people know so they can join us in prayer. And we are SO glad we did. The response was OVERWHELMING love and support and promises of prayers and blessings from all over the world.
The prayers and love has given me strength, comfort and courage! We are so blessed to have such amazing family and friends committed to love us and walk with us.
I also have been blessed by women who have privately and publicly shared their breast cancer survival stories with me and their stories too have inspired me!
Finally, and most importantly, it has been continually made clear to me that this is not about me. Why do I exist? Is it to have gone to Spelman or work in film? Is it to publish a best selling novel and go on fancy European vacations? Is it to be happily married and mother these two precious girls? Why? Well, I believe that all of the events of life are gifts and mostly opportunities. But the real reason we are all here is to know God and to make Him known to others.
As my mortality is ever before me these days, I realize how nothing else really matters and it is my prayer that in this test of my health, my faith, my strength and stamina; all that really matters is not whether I live or die, but how I live while I am here. Am I pointing to Jesus with my life? Am I bringing Him glory because He IS worthy in spite of my circumstances. He is worthy and not because He has blessed me exceedingly abundantly beyond my wildest imaginations already, and I have no idea of the miracles in store for my life in the future, but I will praise Him because He is God.